Certified Plonker Starter Pack

Congratulations, you’ve been chosen. Not by us. Not by fate. But by a Gonk. And once a Gonk sets its sights on your shelf, your life will never be the same (or sober-adjacent).

Each Gonk Adoption Kit includes:

• One Gonk (their size is small but there personality is big...and it depends entirely on how it’s feeling at the time of dispatch—could be festive, could be feral)
• One Gonk on the Plonk book (a delightful tale that brings a mischievous twist to your holiday traditions)
• One drinking vessel sized to the Gonk’s ambitions
• Two mysterious letters sealed with questionable intent (contents classified, but festive)

Important Note: Gonks are notoriously independent. You don’t pick your Gonk. Your Gonk picks you. Expect variation in fluff, sass, and sobriety levels.

Also Important: While this kit may look like it’s ready to party, it contains no actual alcohol. Why? Because the Gonks drank it. All of it. Before dispatch. We tried to stop them. We failed. You're welcome.